I remember things better by the day than the date.
For
example, to me my wife Nancy died the night before Thanksgiving,
2140 hours, 1997, rather than 26 November 1997. Dates fall on
different days in different years, and the night before Thanksgiving
always seems more like the anniversary of it rather than 26
November, which this year (2012) is the Monday after Thanksgiving.
In
addition to the obvious, what amazes me about it, then, now, and all
points in between, is that it has not produced a crisis of faith in
me, let alone a loss of faith. Now, if you haven't gleaned it from
some of my posts, crises of faith and loss of faith were pretty much
constant for me from Vatican II in the 1960s to professing the faith
of the evangelical Lutheran church in 1996.
Vatican
II tore up and stomped on pretty much everything that was the basis
of my life back then. However, the death of your wife and mother of
your children, toss in that their ages were fifteen months and three
months at the time, is a tearing up and a stomping on at a whole
different level and place.
I've been me for a while
now, and "me" no doubt about it would take that as the final insult
after all the rest from a god who probably doesn't exist anyway so
forget the whole thing, it's a cruel joke that ain't funny.
But
it didn't happen. Not Thanksgiving Eve when she died, not the next
day when I spent Thanksgiving afternoon at the funeral home picking
out caskets and stuff like that before arriving late for some turkey
at the family dinner like everyone else. Not in the first few weeks
of not having a clue how this single working dad with two babies will
work beyond just getting through each day. Not later as routines
emerged that worked but obviously aren't the ones we hoped and
planned for. And not later as other difficulties and challenges
emerged and still emerge.
That's not me. No way I
can be like that, guaranteed, take that to the bank, I cannot do
that. But it happened. Since other spiritual forces and powers do not
bolster faith in Jesus Christ, I think we're going to chalk this up to
the Holy Spirit. When they say faith is entirely the gift and work
of the Holy Spirit, believe it, they ain't kidding.
Her
funeral was the following Saturday. It was right by the service book
at the time, all about faith in Jesus Christ for the salvation from
sins unto eternal life. You couldn't have been there without getting
the message that the only dead people present aren't in caskets but
dead in sin unjustified by faith in Jesus Christ through whose merits
alone they are counted saved unto eternal life, a promise He extends
to all including right here and now.
The sermon concluded as follows, which I hear fifteen years later as clearly as the moment the pastor said it:
A few days ago, most of us celebrated a thanksgiving that lasted one day, but Nancy began one that lasts an eternity.
Amen.
May your Thanksgiving be a prequel to a Thanksgiving that lasts an eternity!
VDMA
Verbum domini manet in aeternum. The word of the Lord endures forever.
1 Peter 1:24-25, quoting Isaiah 40:6,8. Motto of the Lutheran Reformation.
Fayth onely justifieth before God. Robert Barnes, DD The Supplication, fourth essay. London: Daye, 1572.
Lord if Thou straightly mark our iniquity, who is able to abide Thy judgement? Wherefore I trust in no work that I ever did, but only in the death of Jesus Christ. I do not doubt, but through Him to inherit the kingdom of heaven. Robert Barnes, DD, before he was burnt alive for "heresy", 30 July 1540.
What is Luther? The doctrine is not mine, nor have I been crucified for anyone. Martin Luther, Dr. theol. (1522)
1 Peter 1:24-25, quoting Isaiah 40:6,8. Motto of the Lutheran Reformation.
Fayth onely justifieth before God. Robert Barnes, DD The Supplication, fourth essay. London: Daye, 1572.
Lord if Thou straightly mark our iniquity, who is able to abide Thy judgement? Wherefore I trust in no work that I ever did, but only in the death of Jesus Christ. I do not doubt, but through Him to inherit the kingdom of heaven. Robert Barnes, DD, before he was burnt alive for "heresy", 30 July 1540.
What is Luther? The doctrine is not mine, nor have I been crucified for anyone. Martin Luther, Dr. theol. (1522)
For the basics of our faith right here online, or for offline short daily prayer or devotion or study, scroll down to "A Beggar's Daily Portion" on the sidebar.
21 November 2012
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1 comment:
I'm sorry you wife died. May your family be in peace.
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